Hi! I’m Melina, a homeschooling mother of 11 and Grandmelina to 1 (and a half!).
Today is the day I have to let go and let God, because this is the day I have to sit back and let one of my kids live with the consequences of his actions.
He left for college with high hopes of success and new adventures. First semester went well, second semester came crashing down. Sex, drugs, alcohol, cheating, stealing, renunciation of God – all the things we fear our kids might do when they leave home is what happened. To be honest, it started a long time before college but now he had money and freedom to do as he pleased.
Or so he thought. Then came eviction from residence, failing marks, and alienation of friends. What could have been a great experience has turned into a train wreck.
Now comes my part. My husband and I decided that we cannot allow him to move back home. He had no respect for rules before he left, and his actions show no change and there is no remorse. Promises were made, but there is no desire for change.
As a mother I know he is scared. He has found no friend or family member willing to take him in. His actions have closed doors. He is afraid of being homeless. He is afraid of being alone. He wants to be taken care of. But he is still unwilling to change. He doesn’t yet see the error in his ways.
I want to hold him and comfort him and tell him everything will be okay. But I can’t do that until he wants to change and is ready to change. And he needs Jesus. Boy, does he need Jesus.
What is my role at this time? With him rejecting my advice and suggestions, and usually not responding to my messages, my role is to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.
A friend once told me that God gives us children to bring us to our knees and to make us holy. Well, I’m certainly praying. Family and friends are praying. And God is good. I know this and I trust Him, but it’s hard for this Mama to squash her instinct to comfort and provide. Hard, but not impossible.
God, You are my God. I trust you, I love You and I come before You. You know the concerns that I have as a mother for her children. They are yours. Teach them the lessons You want them to learn. For my part, I will pray. I will fast and I will pray that Your will be done. You are all good, and with You nothing is impossible. I will wait. I will wait as long as it is needed, and I will trust. Help me to remember all my children and the great works you are doing in all their lives. God, You are my God. I love You more than life itself. I give myself entirely to you. AMEN.